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Home Forums Bad Days. We all have them. Young widows/ widowers

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  • #9688
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    hi there
    Looks like there are a bunch of us that are pretty young. My husband Paul died two years ago, brain tumor. My daughter is 3 and a half. Looking to connect with others in the gta.

    #9689
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    It’s a lonely club – I haven’t met any yet down here in Windsor

    Rob (42,  three kids 4  7 11, my wife died 1.5 years ago from cancer)

    #9752
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    It’s hard to meet other young widows/widower because your life is full with the children.  As you get out in the community doing things with the kids you should naturally start to meet other parents.

    The best thing is to be active and try to crave out some social time for yourself.  If you have a trusted friend or neighbour have them babyset and join a social group that meets once a week.  I joined curling and others I know have joined bowling or a church group.

    To meet others you have to take the first step.  People often don’t want to ask widows/widowers out because they do have kids.  Let people know you have someone to watch the kids and you are looking for something to do or join.

    It’s not always about dating again – mostly it’s about filling up some of the lonely time in the evenings and weekends.  Force yourself to get out and you will meet some new friends.

    Mary Francis

    #9797
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I have just been widowed two and half months ago. My husband died of stage four melanoma (skin cancer).

    I am frustrated with the decision that I had made to move home with my parents. It feels as if I have lost my independence and I can barely mention anything about my late husband without being lectured about supporting my sister whose boyfriend just broke up with her. I miss “our” apartment. I miss seeing things that are similar. The worst thing about moving is that it feels like our life together never existed!

    I am 29 and I have no children. I want to re-marry so I at least might have the chance to have children before I die. I feel as if I have a time frame. If I wait over ten years before I remarry, then I don’t know if I will physically be able to have children. I can’t wait to move out on my own again and I want more than anything to feel as if some person in this world cares. It is very difficult to find a support group because most of them are for people aged 60 and over.

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to survive the next few months until I can afford to move out? I can afford the cheapest apartments, but I am asthmatic and the cheap apartments are always full of cigarette smoke.

    #10087
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Melissa i’ve been there.. it’s taken me over a year of reading the forums and grieving to finally have the balls to write something. so i’m not sure if anything i say will make a difference. I lost my husband suddenly in a car crash leaving me alone with our two little boys. The house we had just moved into and started renting and made our own was way out of my price range since my husband had been the one working and i was staying home with our boys. i found myself grieving and having to move just two weeks after my husbands crash. I ended up moving in with my inlaws… they are awesome people and very supportive to this day, but i totally felt the same way. i had not only lost the love of my life, the father to my children i had also lost my independence. and even thought i love my inlaws, we are very different people. all i can say was that it was hell until i got a job and found a place, my parents were upset that i hadn’t moved back to ontario with them, everyone seemed to be fighting and hating every decision i made, and seemed to feel like they had a right to make decisions for me now.. i dont have any survival tips… i took alot of walks with my boys… i cant tell you it’s going to get better.. the only thing i can tell you about life is that it goes on.. what i started doing was thinking of my boys and i first and making a stand and sticking by my decisions even if it made some people mad. you are aloud to be selfish i think in your grief to an extent. but thats my thoughts. i also did alot of things that made me feel alive. like atving and hiking, and everyday i tried to live it to the fullest. because that was denied to my man.

    #10102
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Well I finally found a place to Find some support.  Im widowed three and a half years, still very hard.  Two teenagers and Christmas and New Years are hard. I don’t want too be around anyone and I try to stick to myself.  I have a new partner but not much support and understanding.  It’s very tough.  Trying to move on but still very angry and very depressed. I m dealing with two teenagers very tough.

     

    #10160
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I have a section on Dating Again that I have blogged about over the years.

    Here is a link to one of my blogs that may offer some support and advice.

    http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/2013/01/26/do-you-want-to-date-again/

    It’s hard enough lossing your loved one but then having to move from your home – it’s another loss and adds to your grief journey.  The truth is that as women we do what we have to do to survive and provide for our children but in the meantime work towards getting your independence back.

    #10193
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I am so relieved to find this site. I am 36 yrs old and my husband passed away from appendiceal cancer 10 mos ago, leaving me to care for our 4 yr old son. Although I am very fortunate to have supporting family and friends I feel so isolated and alone. I feel like no one in my circle truly understands what I am facing. I work full time and have a long commute to and from work everyday so I don’t get spend very much time with my child. I am in the process of selling our home that we only purchased 3 yrs ago and relocating to a new city. I am trying to get everything left open with the estate finalized and it is a very hard process.I am so angry to have to be going through this and I don’t feel like I have anyone I can really talk to who truly understands how difficult this is.

    #10199
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    It’s so nice to hear that there are others in similar situations as myself.  My husband died of thyroid cancer about a year ago, while I was 8 months pregnant.  I also had a 1.5 year old.  Now, the younger one will be 10 months tomorrow, and the older will be 3 in December.  Saturday will be one year since husband died.

    It’s been a really tough year.  I’m turning 30 in September, and it feels like I could be 300.  But no one knows how tough it really is.  I need to connect with others who “get it”.  Every other widow I know is in their 60’s – 90’s, and it’s just not the same.  They think they know, but they really don’t.

    Every thing is so hard.  Applying for the birth certificate of my youngest took 7 months and media intervention, because no one in the government knew what to do with my situation, where I wanted my husband’s name on the birth certificate.  I haven’t even started applying for all the other stuff I need – it just seems like too much effort.  Though I could really use the money from the CCTB, and Survivor’s benefit.

    I haven’t gone back to work yet, because both my children inherited the genetic condition of my husband.  While this isn’t such a shock, it did require thyroidectomies for both of them.  In January, my youngest was in the hospital for a week recovering.  She’s still not better.  I had originally planned to stay at home with my children.  I guess that’s out the window now.

     

    #10215
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello All,

    I lost my wife last year.  She was 37.  Our daughter had just turned 15 months.

    Its been a struggle ever since.

    I do agree with the constant theme that I’m reading within posts that losing your spouse when you are both young is very different than when you are old.

    This is so complicated.

    I’ve learned a lot about the grieving process since this happened and know how difficult it is.

    Other than that I just wanted to say directly to Sarah the last contributor that she should apply immediately for the various survivor’s pensions.  CPP will backdate the payments to the first month following the death and make a lump sum payment (if you’re eligible) but that benefit disappears after the first anniversary and you will only receive what you are entitled to from the time of the application onwards.

    http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/isp/cpp/survivor.shtml

    Read section 8 carefully.

    I hope this helps.

    Steve

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