Lasting Healing Is Hard Work – Time is Not Enough
As the holiday period approaches and the New Year beckons, a time of reflection appears. I have always loved this time of year. Everybody is usually in a good mood, open to conversation and the children are very excited which is contagious.
For the last two years, it has been difficult to get excited about the season. But this year has been a little better than last year. It was hard to get interested last year as it was my first year alone.
My change in attitude is noticeable, but on reflection I now realize that is not as a result of the passing time. It is a result of the things I have done this year to make things better; but not the result of waiting for time to solve the problem.
People say that time heals; maybe it does for the people who are not directly involved. For most people in your social setting, no matter how close, time heals. You have heard the phrase ‘out of sight out of mind’. Who remembers “Smiths” who used to live on the street a year ago? It takes constant social interaction to maintain a social relationship.
Over 30 years together and five years of helping a person to go through terminal cancer involving 4 major operations, 2 sessions of radiation and two and half years of chemo; it leaves a permanent mark. The trick is to make it a positive and not a negative in your life.
So how do we accept what happened, move on and become the person we need to be? I don’t know that answer; I can only state what I have done. It is an individual thing.
I have known a few people who have relied on the time factor and from what I have seen it does not appear to work. Time healing can cause as many problems as it solves.
Time appears to heal as there are no obvious symptoms of the emotional scars. As our bloggers and readers have said, most people do not want to talk about the uncomfortable issues as they cannot deal with it. So to get back into circulation, you cannot talk about it. You have to appear to be happy and get on with life. As a result over time, nature finds a way to deal with the issue by coating the emotional wounds with a layer of `disremembering` protection and then another layer, etc. But we all know, the wound is still there, still growing and will eventually need to be released if you are to grow emotionally.
We have all seen the tree that is built next to an obstruction; the tree grows around the obstruction but is it twisted in some way. I am sure that people are the same. We need to grow strong and straight emotionally like the tree. So let`s get rid of the obstacles.
A recent anonymous blog talked about the 10 years of hurt and sadness. This is very sad.
Luckily for me I have 3 daughters who were determined that I deal with the issues and made sure through constant reminders that I should seek counselling.
This I did after a year of ‘I am O.K. and I can deal with it”. ‘Real men do not need counselling’. They do.
I started several months ago and it is really helping. I would recommend it to anybody. We all try to use friends to act as counsellors. But they are not equipped and it is not fair.
But counselling alone will not do the trick. You need to learn from the counselling and act on what you have learned. It will be difficult but it is worth it.
The one thing I have learned is that if I am to get better I have to want to get better.
I will recap in the New Year the things I have learned and what I have done to start the healing. I know I am a work in progress.
Stay turned for my updates on my road to healing and personal growth.
Join me in making a New Year Resolution
- To accept what has happened.
- Be happy for the life you had.
- Look forward to meeting new people and experiencing new things.
- Make new friends.
- Make next year a better year than this one.
A Happy Christmas/ Hanukkah /Family Events/ Season to all and to all a good night.
Nollaig Shona Duit
(An Irish (Gaelic) Christmas wish)