Bad days – we all have them. One day everything is fine and the next everything looks grey and sad. The good news is that pain, while soul-crushing, is manageable. The pain can steal my peace but it does leave behind experience. This experience is more valuable then gold because it is what armors me against the emptiness and gives me the capability to help other widows.
If you’re fortunate enough to give someone else some disaster relief, it is a beautiful thing. I’m a firm believer in the power of distraction and its cure for loneliness and frustration.
Please accept my mood swings and irritation when people say “This too shall pass”. ”Buck up”. ”You will find someone else”. ”It’s time to move on”. People need to mourn their losses their own way and memories need to be honored.
Sometimes well-meaning friends stand by and attempt to comfort by saying things like:”At least he didn’t suffer” or “Trust in God”. These comments are meant to comfort you, but they are meaningless at this time because your pain is too great.
Understand that they don’t really know your pain unless they themselves are widows. They are trying the best they can to comfort you and that’s what matters. Sometimes we just need to be sad and to be listened to – a hug wouldn’t hurt either. They can’t make it better because it is what it is.
My bad days are fewer as the years go on, but they are still part of my own journey. Discouraging feelings keep you thinking about what you can’t do instead of what you can do. They can stop you from doing anything except feeling sorry for yourself. We can’t fix everything and sometimes life just isn’t fair. But through all this I have friends and family that I love and who love me.
Stop and think – You don’t have to stay discouraged. Don’t listen to that gloomy inner voice that says “I’ll never be happy again”. We all have a choice and we can work to change our inner voice and refuse to be discouraged. Take one step at a time and think of what positive things you have in your life.
It’s easy to get discouraged about all aspects of your life when you are grieving. Take positive steps on your journey from grieving to healing by being good to yourself.