A message from a Widowed.ca user…feel free to share your comments and advice.
Firstly, thank you for this site. I can’t believe I haven’t come across your site in the past but my search today brought me to you.
My name is Garth. I have been a widower now for almost 10 years, hard to believe it’s been that long!!! I lost my wife to two bouts with Breast Cancer in March 2002, Lauire was in her 32nd year and was truly the love of my life. We are also blessed having a son, he was three weeks shy of his third birthday when we lost his Mom.
Anyhow a couple of things. Firstly; I’ve come to lose my job once again, (second time since Laurie passed away) and part of the reasons are due with the committment to our family (children) first and everything else falling into place where it may, career inclusive. My son and our relationship will always come first, well until he is blessed being a husband and father, then I expect I should fall somewhere down the list, hopefully still within the top 3. Do you find similar stories to that of my own? I mean, have you received similar comments to other widows and widowers who might have lost a job in part to the committment to our children? It is quite difficult being a fulltime single parent, even those separated or divorced don’t quite understand……. their are no weekends off and on again (and to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t imagine being away from our son for any period of time).
Second. When my wife passed away, it was certainly a difficult time, as it should be and as one would expect. At the time of her passing and because of the relatively young age, I found it very difficult sharing my thoughts with other men in the same situation, a blessing without question of course, but I found only those I could related to were much older than myself having lost their wives. So where am I going with this?
I want to present myself to you and others who might be experiencing the same thoughts and feelings, fears and unknowns. Young men (and women too) that might be dealing with a pending passing of a spouse, a parent to their children etc… I could have only wished I had someone to talk to that was my age when Laurie passed, the anguish went on for years while still caring for a young child, celebrating Christmas’ and birthdays (which they are still entitled to of course) and trying to maintain a way of life expected within our community.
I have found many avenues that helped me along the way. Like Joe mentioned in his note, I too have come to learn a lot of friends have gone by the wayside simply because they didn’t know what to expect, what to say or how to include me in previous social events my wife and I once shared with friends. I of course don’t have hard feelings to those friends now a distant memory, I came to understand the reasons why, although I am still not an advocate of their decisions, I do understand.
So in closing this long winded note, I was just hoping to inquire whether losing my job for the second time in almost the past 10 years is something of my own doing? (Both dismissals were not of any fault of my own pertaining to any wrong doing on my part. BTW; I am / was and hoping to be again, a quality manager). And second, put myself out there to share with others who might benefit from my own life experiences then and now, with hope, if even for only a few, I can make their journey a little less painful.